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Saturday, 7 December 2013
HAPPINESS COMES WITHIN... ACTIONBASH -2013
WHY DON'T VAMPIRE SUCK D*CK? - ACTIONBASH
DON'T FORGET TO PUT THE GLASS DOWN . . . ACTIONBASH
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!
THIS IS GONNA BE MAD FUN... ACTIONBASH
NAUGHTY AMERICA . . . ACTIONBASH
MAC DO SUPPORT WINDOWS . . . ACTIONBASH
Sunday, 24 November 2013
Saturday, 23 November 2013
He Fired his secretery.
Why I fired my secretary:
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...
and erect....
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...
and erect....
How it feels....
A wife was making a breakfast of fried
eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband came into the
kitchen.
"Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful..
CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you
always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE
SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how
to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just
wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving."
eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband came into the
kitchen.
"Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in
some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're
cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter.
Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER?
They're going 2 STICK! Careful..
CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you
always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE
SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how
to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just
wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving."
Monday, 9 September 2013
It's a Sad Story...
Boy: Baby, we need to talk.
Girl: Ricardo, what do u mean?
Boy: Something has come up...
Girl: What? What's wrong? Is it bad?
Boy: I don't want to hurt you, baby.
Girl: *Thinks* Oh my God, I hope he doesnt break up with
me... I love him so much.
Boy: Baby, are you there??
Girl: Yeah, I'm here. What is so important??
Boy: I'm not sure if I should say it..
Girl: Well, you already brought it up, so please just tell
me.
Boy: I'm leaving...
Girl: Baby, what are u talking about?? I don't want you to
leave me, I love you.
Boy: Not like that, I mean I'm moving far away.
Girl: Why? All of your famliy lives over here.
Boy: Well, my father is sending me away to a boarding school
far away.
Girl: I can't believe this.
[FATHER: (Picks up the other phone, interrupts & yells
furiously ERICA!, what did Itell you about talking
to boys?!!!... Get off thedamn phone!! (And hangs up).]
Boy: Wow, your father sounds really mad.
Girl: You know how he gets, butanyways, I dont want you to
go.
Boy: Would you run away with me?
Girl: Baby, you know I would, I would do anything for you,
but I can't... You don't know what would happen if I did. My dad would kill me!
Boy: *Sad* It's okay.. I understand, I guess..
Girl: *Thinking*I can't believe what's going on.
Boy: I need to give you something tonite, because I am
leaving on flight 1-80 in the morning, so I need to see you now.
Girl: Okay, I will sneak out & meet you at thepark.
Boy: Okay, I'll meet you there in 20 minutes.
[They meet at a nearby park, they both hug eachother. And he
gives her a note.]
Boy: Here you go, this is for you. I gotta go.
Girl: *Tear* (Begins to cry.)
Boy: Baby, dont cry, you know I love you... But I have to
go.
Girl: Okay (Begins to walk away.)
[They both go back home. And Erica begins to read the letter
he gave her]
It says..."Erica, You probably already know that I'm
leaving, I knew this would be better if I wrote a letter explaining the truth
about how much I care about you. The truth is, is that I never loved you, I
hated you so much, you are my bitch and dont you ever forget that. I never
cared about you, and never wanted to talk to you,and be around you. You really
have no clue how much I hate you. Now that I'm leaving I thought you should
know that I hate you, bitch. You never did the right thing, and youwere never
there. I didnt think I could hate someone as much as I hate you. And I neverwant
to see you, for the rest of my life, I will never miss kissing you like before,
I never want to cuddle up, how we used to. I will not miss you and that's a
promise. You never had my love, and I want you to remember that. Bitch, you
keep this letter because this may be the last thing you have from me. Fuck, I
hate you so much. I will not talk to you soon bitch... Goodbye. - Ricardo"
[ Erica begins to cry, she throws the paper in tha garbage
& crys for hours ]
... A day passes, she is sad, depressed and she feels so
lonely... Then she gets a phone call....
Friend: How are you feeling?
Girl: I just cant believe this happened.. I thought he loved
me.
Friend: Oh, about that. Ricardo left me a message. A few
days ago. He told me to tell you to look in your jacket pocket or something...
Girl: Umm.. okay.
[She finds a piece of paper in the jacket, It says:
"Baby I hope you find this before you read my letter. I knew your dad
might read it, so I switched a few words...
Hate = Love
Never = Always
Bitch = Baby
Will not= will
.... I hope you didn't take that seriously because I love
you with all my heart, and it was so hard to let you go thats why I wanted you
to run away with me... -Ricardo"]
Girl: Oh my God! It's a letter.. Ricardo does love me!!, he
must of slipped it into my pocket when he hugged me. I can't believe how stupid
I am!!
Friend: lol Okay but I g2g... Call me later.
Girl: *happy*okay, bye, I'll be at home waiting for my baby
to call me!... Erica turnsthe T.V. on......
[Breaking news] "An airplane has crashed. Over 47 young
boys died, we are still searching for survivors... This is a tragedy we will
never forget, this plane was flight 1-80... it was on its way to an all boys
boarding school..." the Reporter says.
[ She turns off the t.v. ... 3 days later, she kills
herself, because of the fact that Ricardowas dead & she had
nothing to live for...]
A day after that the phone rings. Nobody answers. It was
Ricardo, he called to leave amessage. "Its Ricardo, I guess you're not
home so, I called to let you know that I'm alive, I missed my flight because I
had to see you one last time. So, I hope your not worried. I am staying for
good.
# . . Two Years Back . .
I Fell in Love With You Girl Now Its a Year ,
Since We'd a Single Word Life is Goin' On As Its Suppose To
Be
Baby Everything's Changed ! But All Around Me
EveryDay I Wake Up & See Your Picture On My Wall , Why
Would I Be Lieying
It Makes me Feel Small We Had Some Issues ;; I Think We
Gotta Work on Those Right
But Every Night I Fell This Pain - Of Losing Your Sight
Why You Had To Go Outta Life ? Coz You Fell I'm Irritatin'
??
Or Evil Thougts ov' Mine ! Which Are Always Migratin'
Sittin' Lonely In This Empty Room - Heart is Full of Wounds
I Dont Think I Can Resume Doom is On This Full Moon , But I
Really Cant Complain That My Heart Is Sufferin' Pain
I Think I'l Really Go Insane , But Wont Stop Callin' Your
Name Livin' Without You Is Livin' In Shame
They Say Love is A Game of Feelin'
But Feeling's Say That Am Wrong ! So What ?
I'm About To Tell You What Happened All That Night Long
- Recallin' Time We Spent Together Whether Fighting or Being
Alone
Or Sittin' Staring in Each Others' Eye Am Just All Alone
Never Wanted The Things To Turn This Side
Am Feelin' Am Dieying My Heart . . It Beatz ! I Say I'm
Fine, But My Soul ! Everytime It Cries
Thousand Numbers, I Dont Wanna Dial
4 Thousand Friend In My Profile
My Face So Cold I Want To Smile Try & Try Feelin' Mad
That I'm Bad
Its Nawt Bout Be'ing In a RelationShip Or Be'ing MarrieD.
It's Nawt Bout Hav'ing A Man By Yowr Side At All Tym'S It's
Nawt Bout
CommitmenTs AnD Promises Its All Bout Feel'ing Secure AnD
Sleep'ing
Peacefully At nighT Wid OuT Hav'ing Dat Fear Awf Los'ing Wot
Yow've Get.
It's All Bout All Bout Peace Awf minD. it's All Bout Da
Right Man N Da
Right Time It's All bouT Be'ing LoveD to Da cOre <3
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